Wacky Sunday Soccer

The sky didn't look alright to me when I woke up. It looked like its gonna open up, but thank god, it didn't. I couldn't stand another week without kicking a ball.

As usual, I brushed my teeth and shitted while reading the papers. When its all done, I put on my contact lenses and went off to pick the monkey up from his place. That idiot was still shitting when I reached his place, and apparently he hasn't shitted enough when he came down to meet me. So we arrived at our usual haunt with him looking for a place to relieve himself.

The monkey boy looked as if he's gonna go any minute now. He scrambled to the provision shop located 5 minute's walk away, and came back looking very agitated and desperate now. No such luck, not as good as the other provision shop uncle who kindly let us use his toilet to relieve ourselves. In return, we always buy drinks from him... fair trade loh. Want our business must let us do our "business" mah. Hahahaha.

Then someone suggested that the monkey boy, who was looking paler by the second to go to the little forest hideaway just up ahead. Even though there wasn't much cover, not many people would walk past this place, and at least it was better than nothing. He had to go and I could sense the desperation and cold sweats breaking all over his face. I thought that fella was only joking to James when he said that, but James himself would do the unthinkable and pull off the daring act of shitting in the public, potentially baring his ass and mooning the cars and motorbikes that zip past TPE that was located just beside this tiny forest hideaway. If I was a driver who happened to drive by and noticed someone shitting beside the expressway, I would have laughed my guts out and lose control of my vehicle. Man, that would be hella funny to watch.

Actually, we wanted to catch this little monkey in the act. Armed with our handphone cameras, a few of us flanked our target and before we could do anything, he had already pulled his pants up and covered his monkey shit with tissue papers and dead leaves. He was lightning fast, swift and decisive. Like a trained assassin, he did what he set out to do and left no trace behind (maybe the lingering smell of someone's poo). ALAS! Wasted sia!!!

But still, we laughed like hyenas and I think the peaceful sunday morning laze of some people living nearby were greatly disturbed by us. Oh, and I didn't dare touch the monkey's smelly hands afterwards, neither did others. He stinked!!!

Next up was Doong. This guy had just bought a new Samsung handphone and was constantly showing off his new toy. Haolian kia man. But me and Bob laughed like crazy horses when Black Eye Peas' song "Ma hump ma hump, ma hump ma hump maaa humppp!" blared loudly as the ringtone. Why we laugh? Good question. It is because it was totally unexpected coming from the boring and family man that was Doong the man. For someone who used to wear baby tees and dragon ball t-shirts in disastrously fashionable colors, it was damn farnie like mad. If I were to use an analogy, it would be like Saddam Hussein wearing oversize Adidas suits, complete with bling blings and dancing to hip hop music. You get it?! Hahaha...

Damn, what a wacky sunday it was...